File this one away in the ‘I Don’t Think They Love Me Anymore’ drawer.  Here’s how a recent phone call went:

“Thank you, Mr. Murray. I will be sure to mark this request urgent. Is there anything else that I may do for you?”

“Yes, there is, actually – and thanks for asking. According to my notes, there have been one, two, three, let’s see, at least six people who have told me that they’ve marked my request urgent and yet, after three months, my problem still isn’t fixed. I…

When my stem cells were harvested and put in the deep freeze in June 2010, my hematologist said the timing for the transplant was not yet critical.  As long as my blood counts remained reasonably level, and as long I could tolerate the side effects of Revlimid (lenalidomide) and dexamethasone (Decadron), he felt I could postpone the procedure.

A few weeks after the stem cell harvest, I retired from my job because of dexamethasone-related side effects (see my related Beacon column).  I also believed the stem cell…

We do not choose chronic illness – it chooses us. Being tapped on the shoulder by multiple myeloma is an invitation into a deeper experience of life, whether we like it or not.

Expressive writing is a useful practice for mining the depths of what is inside. Support groups frequently draw upon writing exercises, and studies have found that writing actually promotes true healing.

For those who want to use writing practice for self-discovery, I recommend a simple exercise beginning with the phrase “I remember.”

I remember pink and black…

Two to three years.

That’s what the first doctor told me the average survival for multiple myeloma was.

Not long after my diagnosis, I was making a list of things I needed to take care of while I could and, for all practical purposes, starting to plan my own funeral.

Fortunately, my second doctor was more knowledgeable about multiple myeloma, and between him and a lot of Internet research, I’ve since come to realize overall survival varies considerably and depends on a variety of factors.

While many people still only…

Let me start out by saying that this is a “dex day” for me, so I’m writing this in the middle of the night.

As we’ve reduced my dose of dexamethasone (Decadron) over time, I don’t awake as early in the night as I used to.  Also, in earlier times, the dex would wake me up, and bing! – I’d be fully awake.  Instantly.

That’s not so any more.  Nowadays, with the lower dose, I’m still tired when the dex brings me out of sleep mode.  I’m awake with…